I’ve been thinking about this photo lately. It’s my 95-year-old Mema, her daughter (my Mom) and me this past summer. We’re at a benefit at the Gaylord Palms Hotel in Orlando. The Florida Bar Foundation was honoring my Mom’s work with Teen Courts nationwide.

My Mom is Mema’s youngest. She had her when she was about 30. I’m my Mom’s youngest; she had me when she was 24. My Mom and I spend a lot of time together since I moved to Switzerland… she’s here months of every year. She is by far my favorite travel companion. No one else eats anywhere near enough. This is ironic; she is tiny. They make me look so tall! (I am 5’4″.)

I’ve been thinking about what we have in common and what’s different about our lives.

In a recent conversation with my Mema she said, “I wish I knew how long I had left so I cold make more plans. Right now I can’t plan past this trip to Vegas.”

Chalk that up to something we have in common: the Adventurer Gene.

Mema also loves to dance and have a good time; that we have in common, too.

Our lives have been so different, though. In some ways I think her 90s are Mema’s best decade. She’s doing pretty much anything she wants. No ailing husband to care for (God rest their souls), no kids to raise, she reads everything she can get her hands on and emails and watches tv and eats whatever and whenever she wants. She has three suitors and runs an alterations business out of her apartment. She’s a gifted painter.

“I started drinking caffeinated coffee after your visit,” she told me.

“Do you sleep?”

“Well, no. Not so much. Some nights I just sing all night long… you know, all the songs I want to perform.”

That’s something Mema and I have in common: the singing and performance gene. It skipped a generation.

What’s interesting to note, though, and points to what I’d like to see XpatAdventures become, is this: Mema is breaking trail now, calling the shots, charting her own course in her 90s and it’s really the first time she’s had the means and luxury to do so alone.

My Mom needed to go find her way, her path, her route when I left home and she was in her early 40s (God bless my Dad who said to her, “I can’t do it for you, you have to go find your own thing.”) She found Teen Court and has built them across the United States, serving thousands of kids and families in need.

Me? I’ve been calling my own shots my whole life. In my twenties I guess I was still trying to do things Right, be a Good Girl, follow the normal, acceptable route. Then things happened.

I believe there comes a time when each of us realizes life as we planned it is not going to turn out. Some come to it through tragedy, others through disappointment, still others when the upward trajectory just has nowhere left to go.

We’re each left wondering, “What now?” and have an opportunity to chart an authentic, fulfilling course for ourselves.

 

That’s what I’d like XpatAdventures to be about. It doesn’t have to mean you’re single like me (or that I’ll stay single forever). It doesn’t have to mean you have kids or not, or a high-paying career or not, or a calling you want to chuck everything for.

It’s about: in this day and age each one of us, no matter what, will likely reach a day when it’s time to carve our own, unique, authentic course. Maybe your husband tells you you need to do it for yourself; maybe you realize if you don’t you’re going to go nuts, or you will have reached the end and never done the thing your heart longed for.

The question is the same. I’d like to help each of us answer it:

What’s your adventure?

That’s what I’ll be working on here over the next few months…

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2011 in Review

31 Dec 2011

So I have a new New Year’s tradition… this video-making. Here’s the link to 2010′s year-in-photos review. 2011′s voiceover is a little homespun. I hope you’ll enjoy it anyway.

There are so many more people and places, moments and memories that could also have been included: Skeet shooting in Texas, walking Paris with my best college buddy (we hadn’t seen one another in 13 years), eating Mexican food with friends in Pasadena, countless photos from Rio de Janeiro, China, Botswana, TED events, Switzerland and Italy.

There wasn’t room for all of it. The world, this life… they’re full and big.

2011 in Review from Rebecca Self on Vimeo.

Work took me to 4 continents this year. Thank you to Zoran and the TNM Coaching crew & Dana and the Trestle Group Foundation.

If you’d like to see my personal list of some things learned, things I’m grateful for, and what’s next – that’s here.

Here’s a quick list of best Hotels, Meals & Travel Experiences of 2011:

Hotels I could live in (the very Best of 2011):

Honorable Mentions:

Best Meals of 2011:

  • Christmas dinner at the Waldhotel Doldenhorn
  • safari dinners
  • Chengdu, China hot pot with locals (for the adventure, not the food)
  • sampling noodles at the Bangkok night market (Soi 38 maybe?)
  • some big animal roasting on a spit roadside Siem Reap, Cambodia. (Nevermind the vomiting next day. What an adventure!)
  • As always: Locanda dell’isola Comacina in Lake Como. It is a perennial favorite. Who wants to go in 2012?
  • High tea at the Royal Livingstone Hotel, Zambia (Not everyone’s cup of tea, but I loved it. Will never forget the monkey swiping a scone, running like a wild banshee across the lawn holding his little fist high above his head.)
Best Travel Experiences:
  • safari with Wilderness Dawning Safaris. I cannot recommend them highly enough.
  • singing karaoke in Manila with locals
  • skiing the glacier with planes landing on the slopes at Les Diablerets
  • massages & noodles in the Traveller’s Lounge near Gate 1, Hong Kong Airport

Finally, I leave you with this quote from a poem, “In The End,” by Tara Sophia Mohr (it’s in the video, too):

What you’ll want a thousand years from now is this:
a memory that beats like a heart–
a travel memory, of what it was to walk here,
alive and warm and textured within.

Happy New Year, everyone! Also check out the related post at Gypsy Girl’s Guide.

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Dim Sum

Want great Dim Sum in Hong Kong off the beaten path, outside of the three or four places recommended on all the Web sites? Try Chung’s Cuisine, One Kowloon, 1 Wang Yuen Street, Kowloon Bay. It’s in a huge office building, so mid-week lunches are busy. I’ve heard it’s crowded even on the weekends. Best with a big group so you can try lots of dishes!

Massage while you wait for your flight

Second massage this year at the Traveler’s Lounge, Hong Kong Airport and it was even better than the first. This place is the best deal going. I got in free this time with my frequent flier membership. Arrive on an empty stomach – there’s a great noodle soup station with fish balls, fish cakes, and all the fixings you need. Internet access (kind-of spotty) is included in the entrance price, too. I go early to the airport just to go to this lounge. Can get overcrowded, unfortunately.

Bad Hotel

This trip the company booked me at the Harbour Plaza Metropolis. Yuck! Creepy dirty (hair in shower & bed), tiny room, far from everything. Last trip I was at the Sheraton and will go back there again next time. The club floor included some laundry service, good food and a great view from the lounge of the nightly light show in the harbour. It was worth the upgrade fee.

I’d like to go back and explore the area around Hong Kong more – I bet there’s great hiking & good beaches not too far away. It’s a fascinating place.

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It was billed the “Game of the Century.” Last Saturday 160,000 people were in the tiny town of Tuscaloosa, Alabama for it. My father and I were 2 of them. It was my first Alabama football game since childhood.

We didn’t have a whole lot of Jesus in my house as a kid… we had Bear Bryant. My Dad, descended from Methodist ministers, pretty much worships at the altar of Alabama football.

His great, great grandfather Isaac Self moved to Alabama in 1817. The University was established the same year the Trail of Tears began: 1831. Skip ahead 131 years and my Dad was a Phi Delta Theta on campus; his first-born, a son, was born the November day Alabama beat in-state rival Auburn for the 1964 National Championship. It’s a small miracle he wasn’t named Bama. Really.

After Blank Slating, I’ve been filling the white space of life with what’s important to me. It’s been made up of quiet moments in the woods near home with my sweet giant of a dog. With going to a football game with my Dad. With laughter on calls with old friends, with good simple food and rewarding work. I’ve got a related post up over at Gypsy Girls Guide. Check that site out, won’t you? The women there are amazing.

Oh. And “Roll Tide!” even though we lost. The whole experience was a win for me.

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Hasliberg @ Night

02 Nov 2011

Last weekend Mufasa and I went up in to the mountains to hike and hang out with a gang of friends. The village was tiny. It took a bus, two trains and a lift from someone to get up there. This is what you need to know about Hasliberg at night: it’s DARK… and noisy. ‘Gives a whole new meaning to “tie one on.”

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“It is this broken road with pitfalls and sharp turns and unexpected traverses that has brought me joy and adventure. ”  ― Alice Walker

This is how Sundays should look:

Wake up happy and give thanks. Check.

Delight in good people, fine food, beautiful weather. Check.

Run a little, walk a lot in great big woods. Marvel at the seasons changing. Check.

Laugh out loud at the old dog’s antics. Check.

Have faith. Check.

Only thing better would be you here with us.

Yes, you.

“Oh, she say. God loves all them feelings. That’s some of the best stuff God did. And when you know God loves ‘em you enjoys ‘em a lot more. You can just relax, go with everything that’s going, and praise God by liking what you like.” – Alice Walker, The Color Purple

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A while back I wrote about Blank Slating. Here’s an update, in the form of a Tuesday Tidbit.

One thing I’m learning is I don’t have to be anything I’m not, or go too far out of my way to please anyone. I know this sounds basic, but it’s revolutionary really. I’ve been trying to do things “Right” for so long. It’s exhausting. Some people worry they’re not enough… I’ve been hearing I’m “too much” my whole life… and it’s not true. Too much… who ever heard of such a thing?! And I bought it, silly me. Internalized it deep down and have carried it around and into relationships at home and work. Trying to pipe down, scale back, not stand out too much… don’t let them know I’m too much, unmanageable. Do things “normally” or worse yet someone else’s way. Hooey! For the birds, I tell you. Especially because it’s a game I cannot win. (And you know how I feel about that.) It leaves people thinking exactly that I am too much, unmanageable and yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. Irony! Hmpf.

That whole paradigm’s just not helpful. I have no desire to be manageable, reasonable, or normal. Never aspired to that set of adjectives at all.

A friend wrote to me the other day, in the middle of a message: “You don’t have to be perfect to be loved. (on the contrary)” Holy moly! I’m not too much at all. I just am. You’re not too little or too much, either, you hear me?

In his oft-quoted Stanford commencement speech Steve Jobs said, “Keep searching.” Do what you love and keep searching. For your Right Work, for someone who’s just right for you… because you are already just right the way you are. I mean, really. What’re you gonna do about it now? So onward with the search, Fellow Adventurers!

We all do what we can do. We’re each sloppy sometimes. I’m learning to fly. So are you. This Tuesday Tidbit is brought to you by the lovely and talented Tara Sophia Mohr, who is just right, too. It’s called “You Shaped Hole:”

 

You-Shaped Hole
Sometimes the world feels inhospitable.
You feel all the ways that you and it don’t fit.
You see what’s missing, how it all could be different.

You feel as if you weren’t meant for the world, or the world wasn’t meant for you.

As if the world is “the way it is” and your discomfort with it a problem.

So you get timid. You get quiet about what you see.

But what if this? What if you are meant
to feel the world is inhospitable, unfriendly, off-track
in just the particular ways that you do?

The world has a you-shaped hole in it.
It is missing what you see.
It lacks what you know.

And so you were called into being.
To see the gap, to feel the pain of it, and to fill it.

Filling it is speaking what is missing.
Filling it is stepping into the center of the crowd, into a clearing, and saying, here, my friends, is the future.
Filling it is being what is missing, becoming it.

You don’t have to do it all, but you do have to speak it.
You have to tell your slice of the truth.
You do have to walk toward it with your choices, with your own being.

Then allies and energies will come to you like fireflies swirling around a light.

The roughness of the world, the off-track-ness, the folly that you see,
these are the most precious gifts you will receive in this lifetime.

They are not here to distance you from the world, but to guide you
into your contribution to it.

The world was made with a you-shaped hole in it.
In that way you are important.
In that way you are here to make the world.
In that way you are called.
– Tara Sophia Mohr

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Fall in CPH

17 Oct 2011

I booked myself two extra days in Copenhagen this trip. Two whole days  - with friends and solo – in sunny, crisp, cool air… wandering streets, shopping, eating good food. It was a rare treat in one of my favorite cities.

There’s a misconception in the U.S. that because the Danish government levies taxes and administers public services it is socialist. That is not what socialist means, and if it were I’d be asking to sign right up.

Working in a multimillion dollar corporate headquarters then shopping on Strøget, I can tell you capitalism is alive & well in Copenhagen. Yes, it’s true that accumulating tremendous capital is challenging with Danish tax rates, but the quality of life is fantastic & if you have 3 or 4 kids the benefits outweigh the costs.

One thing I loved was all the gluten-free options, as tons of Scandinavians are celiacs & I’ve discovered I have a nasty reaction to wheat (not convenient but I feel so much better). I actually bought a big box of cereal & brought it back in my suitcase. I tried 3 groceries before I found these. They’re in the basement of Magasin du Nord.

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It’s time for Mufasa to have his own facebook page. He’s on dogbook, but it’s just not enough. People tag me in photos of him… you know like they do with womens’ kids, too… only the inference is somehow not the same. Right now all the little photos that show up on my facebook Wall are of Mufasa. I love him madly, but the implication is that I’m a dog.

I’m single and that simply Will. Not. Do.

He needs his own page.

Plus, he has adventures like you would not believe. We must post his own photos.

It’s amazing how even six years into this expat adventure everyday occurrences are still remarkable enough that I wish I’d brought my camera. NOTE TO SELF: Remember to carry phone or camera everywhere.

Today Mufasa and I walked to the grocery store in Zollikon. It’s a big store, busy, on the town square. I tied him up right in the middle of the action — something I’d NEVER have done in the U.S. because you just don’t do that as often and because he was much younger and wilder and apt to misbehave.

He’s older now, more subdued. Actually, I have to face that he is quite old. It’s so difficult for him to sit I cannot ask him to do that anymore. He had a seizure Saturday night before last and seems fine now, but it was a pretty long one and he’s never had one before. The vet said it may not even be worth all the tests to see what caused it, just watch to see if he has one again, and then we’ll decide what to do. He’s old.

So there he was today: giant old dog, tied up in the middle of the town square in Zollikon, Switzerland. Instead of telling him to sit I had him lie down on the ground facing the grocery (he was pretty far away looking across the square). I peeked over my shoulder as I walked into the store and he was holding his head up so straight and proud, like a baby allowed to sit at the Big Kids’ table for the first time.

I shopped quickly because you never know what kind of trouble a hundred pound dog might get into while you’re not looking. I didn’t hear him, which (unlike with kids) was good.

The scene that greeted me outside in the square made me laugh out loud. There he was, paws straight out in front of him still holding his head up all regally as if he were the most gorgeous dog ever born, smack in the middle of a tight ring of crouching 4-year-olds. They were very close to him, only inches from every part of his body, and had clearly been instructed not to move or touch him. It was something to see – about 10 perfectly still preschoolers in special bright orange reflective outing gear, feet flat on the ground, little rumps resting on all their heels, hands held behind their backs, peering into his beaming face. The dog was smiling as if he’d been crowned Miss America and given a beefsteak bone instead of a tiara.

I told the teacher it was ok, they could pet him, and four or five nearly dove onto him. He didn’t move at all, just laid still and let their little fingers pet his crazy-long, silky fur.

I wonder how many of those sweet little Swiss German kids will tell their parents about him at dinner tonight.

Every day this dog amazes me. He teaches me patience and consistency. I might not have lived this expat adventure the way I have if it were not for him.

Wednesday morning we’re going on the train back out to HundeLand, his new favorite place, and they will surely post more photos of him on facebook. He’ll have his own facebook page by then.

ADDENDUM: When I tried to make him a facebook account it told me he was ineligible, I guess because he’s too young. LOL.

At the Olten train station after his visit to Hundeland he fell asleep on the platform. It’s hard work playing so much!

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Ahoy there! Aloha! Guten tag! Buon giorno!

Am over at Gypsy Girl’s Guide today with an insider’s tip on My Kugelhopf Kerrin Rousset’s Sweet Zurich tour. Check it out!

Related articles

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Count Me Among The Crazy Ones

7 October 2011

“The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.”           - Steve Jobs, in this unaired version of the 1997 Apple commercial I am honored and grateful to know so many of the Crazy Ones: Letha Sandison, Maggie Doyne, Esra’a Al Shafei, Bill [...]

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Blessing 744

17 September 2011

Scenes from a walk Sunday, September 11, 2011. This first shot seems perfect given all the 9/11 coverage: Do you see the couple gathering chestnuts in this photo? They loved Mufasa & straightened themselves up from their hunched over chestnut gathering positions to pet him. You know how in the States we’re divided along Red [...]

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Blank Slate: the Ultimate Adventure

15 September 2011

Greetings fellow adventurers! I am in the midst of something perhaps you could sense and I have referred to in bits and pieces. The time has come to just own up and write about it here. It’s been so long since I sat quietly and let you into my world in a meaningful way. I’m [...]

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In the Meantime

10 September 2011

I am really, really good at not living for Someday. I believe that Life is Short. I don’t put off travel for Someday, or asking somebody out. I don’t wait for kismet or the stars to align… I have been living life like it’s In The Meantime, though. You know… until I get my career figured out or [...]

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Summer scenes…

31 August 2011

“Since life is short and the world is wide, the sooner you start exploring it the better. Soon enough the time will come when you are too tired to move farther than the terrace of the best hotel. Go now.” – Simon Raven Share and Enjoy:

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DISPATCH: My Own Nine Hundred Acre Wood

1 August 2011

One of the things I most love about coming home after long journeys is rediscovering the place I’ve chosen to lay my head. In A.A. Milne‘s Winnie the Pooh series, Piglet, Eyeore, Tiger, Kanga, Roo & friends roamed the Hundred Acre Wood (actually Five Hundred Acre Wood in Ashdown Forest in East Sussex, England). Right outside my door, [...]

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