Boulder isn’t home anymore. The funny thing is that Sarasota, my hometown, isn’t home anymore, either. I own and live in a house in Moscow, Idaho, but that isn’t home. I don’t know where I’m going next, but I want a home again.
I wish I had someone around to take my picture. I look in the mirror these days and I’m shocked by how different I look from a year and a half ago when I was sad and angry and married. It was a lousy situation I put myself in … and I’m shocked now at how determined and dogged I was to try to make it work even though it should have been clear that it wasn’t ever going to. I was like a pit bull with a squeaky toy — jaw locked… no way was I going to drop it.
I am smaller and sleeker now, aerodynamic… ready for whatever adventure life throws my way. I wear clothes that make me look and feel more like me. I see myself and think, “Aha! You’re back! Where’d you GO for the last few years?” I wonder at women who stay for decades. Their lives are lost… mine lies before me. I am eager to get moving down the road.
Today I feel far away and disconnected from everyone I know and love. What a treat when H sent her blog link and I saw so many women have blogs! I had no idea! I can stay connected! I can see their babies grow up! It’s not like Girls Afternoon at the Teahouse or our old Writing Group, but these sure are a lot of fun!
I absolutely know that leaving the life I was in was the right thing and I have no doubts and I don’t look back at my marriage, but leaving friends and the Little Man is still unfathomable to me — like I can’t believe I did it.
Thankfully, I am busy here. My students are funny. We learn and talk and grow and have a good time.
I know that my life is not here… adventure awaits me. I will move either to Park City, Utah or Lugano, Switzerland this summer. If some other great opportunity arises, I may still revise that plan. I always thought that by this point in my life I should have settled down, but settling down shouldn’t mean settling. So off I go again to be more fully me. Adventure awaits!
I move forward, and miss many of the people in the past. I hope they’ll come visit when I live in an upscale resort town.