I was a Mother.

29 Mar 2006

zach and rebecca at cakeWe have no word for women who used to be Mothers… women whose children have died or been taken away, been given up for adoption or lost in divorce.

I was a Mother, though I never gave birth. How many video games and after-school snacks and late-night, tucking-in conversations qualifies one for motherhood? The little man didn’t care. He called me Mom and I was a Mother.

I was a Mother. I touched the sweet, soft skin of his cheek and watched him sleep at night. I picked up his wet towels and laughed with him at the dog’s antics. I helped him fold his clothes and taught him to tie his shoes. We went to the park together.

He taught me that I am softer underneath than anyone imagines, that I can be full of nonsense when no one else is watching, and that frequent hugs are very, very important. We decided, he and I, that a little sugary cereal never killed anyone.

I was a Mother who loved a little too closely, stifled him, made him angry now and then. But he knew I loved him.

I was a Mother with too many rules. “Don’t do this,” and “Let’s stay over this way.” “It’s better like that,” and “How about you try that this way…?”

I was a Mother.

What does that make me now?

{ 1 trackback }

Should I stay or should I go now?
04 Oct 2011 at 18:05

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 kristoffer 20 Oct 2010 at 16:49

Dear Rebecca. I was captured by the picture and moved by your words. Having a son (is that with an O or an U…? could be both in this case) I can totally relate to what you write. I both feel the love and pain in the sentences you wrote and I just feel like gently saying, that you have experienced something immensely beautiful – love in it´s purest form. I believe in holding on to that part and that pain is `just` another expression of love.. sending you a hug. Warmly Kristoffer

2 Sharon 09 Mar 2011 at 22:42

I am so deeply moved that I’m weeping as I type this. You are right, there is not a word in our language for a relationship like this that has passed. Was a mother. Still are a mother. Maybe you will be a mother again in that same traditional way. We are all spiritual mothers with or without a child in particular we are focused on. That is my belief. Peace, Sharon

3 Rebecca 09 Mar 2011 at 23:00

Thank you, Sharon. Thanks for stopping by, for browsing, for reaching out…

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