…because not all who wander are lost.

Let me be up front with you: slow & steady is not my way.

I’ve a tendency toward the frenetic, the disheveled, the hot burst of white lightning creativity… the wild banshee.

Not everything in life works that way, though.

And so it has gone with many things I’m up to lately. I just have to deal with it. There’s a learning curve. I am not graceful with it.

For years I’ve been working on… no, DEVOTED TO… a little non-profit event started by the fabulous graphic designer, TEDster and all-around good guy Jeroen Hermkens It was called the European Summit… now it’s called Connect & Act because that is exactly what we do: connect committed changemakers and social entrepreneurs from around the world with each other, funders and supporters. We believe we are stronger together than the sum of our separate parts & that we are each a part of a movement for Good on the planet. We need not work alone.

I cannot say it’s always gone smoothly. (Understatement!) Especially because we started it, you know, for fun as a hobby. Here we are 6 years on now and I need to present a business plan to investors. Learning, people… I’m learning. It is so exciting. Something this big you cannot rush. Somewhere along the line I went from being a young Professor to building a movement. I am humbled… and sometimes completely overwhelmed.

Another thing that’s slow and steady? Transforming this XpatAdventures Web site. Baby steps. So much slower than I’d like to take them. My baby steps were wild, off-kilter, “let me show you I can run already” things, I imagine. My Mother should maybe guest post on that.

Here’s a side story for your entertainment today (and then I’ll leave you with one last fun download):

About 16 years ago, in my 20s, when I’d started teaching at CU-Boulder, my Mom flew from Florida to Denver and took a bus to town. It was in the middle of the work day and I thought it would be fun if she saw me teach. She must’ve been running a little late, because mid-lecture I saw her in the doorway and accidentally exclaimed, “Hi, Mom!” She dragged her suitcase in, sat down and on we went with class. She told me later the student next to her whispered, “What was she like as a child?!” This still makes me laugh.

Here’s the one last thing for today. The new XpatAdventures manifesto. I hope you enjoy it!

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I’ve heard there’s this thing called a “TED moment.” As far as I can tell the phenomenon involves 3 elements (there may be many more):

• sitting in your seat at TED, tears running down your face, hoping no one will notice or think you a total freak,
• some major internal shift compelled by content and the environment that
• precipitates a realization or insight and usually remarkable behavioral shift.

I heard this from a delightful European financial services executive who’d had his moment a few years ago, run crying into the foyer of the theater in the middle of a session, and made a list of actions he took immediately. They involved selling and/or giving away land and much more.

I had my TED moment Tuesday evening watching Balazs Havasi pound on a piano. The more expressed, the wilder he got… the more difficulty I had containing my tears.

I wasn’t sure why. I sat in my seat running through possibilities:

• It’s beautiful, moving to watch someone play so full out.   (Yes, I know. I see that frequently in my life, though, thankfully.)
• Maybe I’m still, decades later, mourning the music career I didn’t pursue after years of classical training and performing.   (No, that wasn’t it.)

Tears welled up & spilling over, I got still enough to hear myself think. This is what I heard:

From the time I was a very small girl, I fragmented myself. I went to two schools every day: for three hours trained by a Juilliard graduate at one school, then to a gifted school for academics. Two schools, two passions, two sets of friends.

When it came time for Uni I’d chosen not to pursue music because I thought it would require ALL of me, that it would take everything, and I had intellectual hunger I could neither ignore nor neglect. I also had a rich social life. I pursued academics as far as I could: earning a world-class Ph.D. and teaching at the University level for over a decade.

Intellectual hunger sated, I went to work with some of the world’s largest companies. As you can see in the sidebar, that work takes me regularly to 5 continents.

Then there’s Connect & Act – the non-profit I event I run to bring high caliber young changemakers together from all around the world.

Let me be clear: there is no complaint here. Each of these incarnations has been an adventure, a blessing, a joy.

This is what struck me my very first official day at TED:

For the first time I was sitting in an event that spoke to nearly every part of me:

• the classically trained performing musician; (Danielle de Niese)
• the interdisciplinary Ph.D. bringing economics, political science, sociology & anthropology to bear on mass media usage and regulation; (Rebecca MacKinnon)
• the Professor standing fiercely for freedom of expression training a corps of journalist freedom fighters to go out into the world telling important stories; (Maajid Nawaz)
• the corporate consultant traveling the globe; (Geoffrey West)
• the woman running a non-profit bringing together changemakers from around the world (Julia Bacha)

Until that moment I’d not realized the labor, sacrifice and myriad consequences of the fragmentation I’ve done my whole life. I think I’ll be looking at the consequences (and how to mitigate them) for quite some time.

The tears were overwhelm, peace, shock and comfort at sitting in a theater amid thousands of other people, feeling like I was spoken to in my entirety… like I might be able to express myself fully here and not be too much or too intense. I might even belong, something I’ve not hoped for most of my life.

As an expat, a radical, a high-performing single woman, there are so few places where even contained parts of me fit. This is the first time I’ve ever felt that my whole self might be safe to express; it may even be embraced.

I don’t imagine that’ll be my last TED moment; I’m hoping it’s the first of many. Thank you TED, for the moment, the beauty, for speaking to all of it.

ADDENDUM: What do you think – is the fragmentation a way we make ourselves small, manageable? How often have you felt it implied that a talented, assertive, expressed woman might be, you know, a bit much? It’s not the same for talented men.

Check out these two talks from TED Global 2011:

• Maajid Nawaz: A Culture to Fight Extremism
• Let’s take back the internet! Rebecca MacKinnon on TED.com (ted.com)

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I am legendarily bad at secrets and have one of my own I can keep no more.

You know how I’ve been saying *forever* that I was re-doing XpatAdventures to give you more of what you ask for — How To Tips, Travel Ideas, Hotel Reviews, Concrete ways you can live your dreams, etc.?  Well, several designers and two down payments later, the Home Page is complete. I am soooo excited to share it with you.

There’s still a lot of work to do to build the site, but I am EX-CI-TED. If I should add you to the mailing list, please let me know here in the comments, ok?

(WARNING: 1 designer ran off with my down payment. Do NOT use Shawn Ostrowski of Eclectic Whimsy Designs. She designed one site for me then took off with my deposit for the other and has done that to so many other bloggers they’ve tried to file a suit against her.)

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I told someone the other day the flight between Denver & London wasn’t far and really meant it. “I was surprised – it’s only 8 hours and 50 minutes,” I said. That should tell you something.

That person looked at me blankly. I’d ended the conversation.

It didn’t really make sense to say, “Well, over 13 hours is long for me now. There’s something about that 12:45 mark that makes my knees stiffen up and my hips feel like they’re going to need a while to recover. Clients don’t fly me Business class since the recession hit years ago.” Come to think of it, that doesn’t really work for me for flights over 10 hours.

There are so many snippets to share with you, tales to tell. We left off in Botswana nearly a month ago. There are tales now of singing old American jazz standards with a spry Zambian piano player probably in his 70s, of a wild traditional massage in the Hong Kong airport, of feeding baby panda bears in Chengdu, of seeing John Travolta & Perter Horton (not together) in Santa Monica (& Kelly Preston & Sally Field & I was only there a couple days). Of a delightful couple days with SwirlyGirl Christine. I spent a couple nights with my 95-year-old Mema, a real treat, and then landed in Colorado where old friends pampered me til I sadly said goodbye and ran off back to the airport on the 4th of July.

All those stories and more coming soon… some with photos, others with travel tips including the best room service hamburger I have ever eaten and you know how I’m a fan of those! In a couple days I’m off to TED Global and may not be blogging again for a while, so this is just a heads up.

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